Adjusting to loss

This forum was created for those with an incredibly hard task: taking care of someone they love who is ill.

Adjusting to loss

Postby Catherine Poole » Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:52 pm

The circle of life is mind boggling. That's what I decided today. We all feel like 90 or so is the proper age to leave this planet, but it isn't always in the cards. Acceptance of what is real is so important and learning to move on is what those we lost would want for us. And so I find my grieving to be fading with time yet reappearing when I least expect it. Life goes on and MIF is 15 years old this year if you count to the first event we had! Wow, never thought we'd make it this long. So here is to old age for charitable organizations that stay true to their mission!
Catherine M. Poole, President/Founder
Melanoma International Foundation
Catherine Poole
 
Posts: 10917
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:09 am

Re: Adjusting to loss

Postby jeffb » Thu Jan 04, 2018 11:56 am

I'm hesitant to say Happy New Year Catherine as, at least for me, the first year after the loss of my wife was a tough one, but I did start to experience happiness and serenity from time to time and the frequency of that increased slowly. The anniversaries and reminders of those special moments we had just between the two of us were also tough. But you will heal.

It's been over 5 years for me and I can say I'm enjoying my life now and I'm ready for a new relationship, but this time form a very different perspective. I still and will always miss her though. And I still have some very realistic dreams about her from time to time.

Being confronted with the experience of the death of my wife has lead to a spiritual revolution of sorts in me and, as odd as it seems to say this, I'm a better person for it. Pain indeed has brought growth for me, though I much would have prefered another method (!).

The first year for me consisted of many "ambushes" and pop-up thunderstorms of grief. I'd be going along fine then BAM(!). These subsided with time but I still get occasional showers, some rumblings of thunder, and the dull ache in my chest of just missing her.

Your words about acceptance are wise. Once we accept were we are at and what's happening to us, only then are we free to start real change. And it will come.

My own community service work has helped me a lot too. What you have done and will continue to do here Catherine, is extraordinary.

With much respect.

Jeff
jeffb
 
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Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:19 pm

Re: Adjusting to loss

Postby Catherine Poole » Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:46 am

Jeff, I remember your struggle clearly with your wife's illness. You worked so hard to make her comfortable, and it was much like my time dealing with my husband. I agree, as the days pass the joy of life returns. I have days where I sing and laugh again. The details of the illness are getting blurred. That's important because it was a nightmare. My heart will always go out to those who take care of a loved one. Thanks for sticking around here Jeff, your insights and kind words are much appreciated.
Catherine M. Poole, President/Founder
Melanoma International Foundation
Catherine Poole
 
Posts: 10917
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:09 am


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