Home Forums Melanoma: Newly Diagnosed – Stages I & II Diagnosis dismissed by family

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    I am newly diagnosed and have not seen my biopsy report yet but do know it is melanoma fast spreading and 1.78mm thick. Margins were clear. I have a consult with surgeon in five days. My husband refuses to even comment when I mention my diagnosis or appointment and my two teenage children said I was over reacting when I went out to the fair and wore a wide brim hat. My grandfather passed away from melanoma that spread to his lungs so I am scared, but they make me feel as if I am over reacting. I don’t go around crying or talking of it I just wore a hat and put on sun screen. I don’t want to scare them but I want them to know this is important. Help, am I crazy for being scared.


    Hi Coachann.

    I am sorry for your recent diagnosis. I know it is a scary time. I was diagnosed about a year ago. Unfortunately many people do not understand the seriousness of melanoma and do not understand the anxiety that comes with it. My family has really down played my diagnosis and I rarely mention it to them. I did have to bring it up about 2 months ago when I had a breast cancer scare and my family looked shocked when I asked for family cancer history. They had forgotten that I was diagnosed with melanoma. I am sorry you are going through this. This forum is a terrific resource for those diagnosed with melanoma. You will receive a lot of support here and Catherine is a wealth of information. Please feel comfortable expressing your concerns here. The anxiety will get better over time.


    Thanks I am so glad I found this site. Right now nervous about meeting the surgeon. He is an oncologist that my dermatologist works closely with and she says there are a lot of people for support. I am wondering how long of recovery from wle? I teach and have been out a lot the last two years so am worried about sick leave.


    I think the recovery time from the WLE depends on where the melanoma was located. And also if you are getting SLNB (you may know what this is but if not it is a sentinel lymph node biopsy) My melanoma was on my leg and required a skin graft. I was out of work for about a little more than week because I was bandaged from foot to groin and was not really supposed to move much because of the skin graft. I had a lot of numbness from the SLNB for about a month and had some difficulty walking. If the WLE is on an area other than your feet or legs you may be able to go back to work within a few days. I had pain but quickly stopped taking pain meds because of the side effects. There was more pain from the SLNB than the skin graft. I was in a bit of a fog mentally for a few months after my diagnosis but it has improved dramatically over the course of the last year. Rarely does a day go by that I do not think of melanoma but I do not obsess about it anymore. I’m sure that right now is a difficult time for you but it will get better. The worst part for me has been that the people closest to me don’t understand the anxiety associated with the disease. It took me several months to join this forum. I read posts for months before I joined. Posting on this forum has been extremely helpful, particularly because everyone here recognizes the anxiety factor. I am only speaking from my experience but I hope this helps you some.


    Is it possible to have your husband and children attend your oncologist appointment? That might help them understand the seriousness of what you are dealing with. The whole process will be better for you and for them if everyone is on the same page.


    Like chass (hope I got it right) stated in the post before mine, I hope your husband went with you

    to obtain your results.

    I went through an incredibly fearful time, after a ct scan was indicating strong evidence of terminal cancer, I was fortunate to have a form of idiopathic pancreatitis. However my partner

    minimized the situation right from the beginning. It was very painful to have my #1 person not

    show even slight concern.

    I know you don’t want to scare your family, but you must be scared, feeling alone at a time when

    you are so frightened is well in excusable. Coach I don’t know much about melanoma, a tiny blip, however, you will need treatment. And if your guy is good to you in all other matters of the heart, then perhaps someone needs to speak to him. Hopefully its denial not heartless action.

    In my earlier situation my person was not in denial just self absorbed. I live in the boondocks, and my support came through for me on-line. And it works to have this source, your surrounded by others who can relate to you. Most people prefer to utilize these forums. But “knowing” your person is behind you is very important. If he doesn’t get on board I hope you have another somebody. You may not thinks so today, but you need someone that you “know” is in your corner!!

    Sorry, you just hit a few nerves with me, I don’t want you to allow him to dismiss you. It will affect your stress which can impact on your recovery!! hugz….georgie

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