Home Forums Melanoma: Newly Diagnosed – Stages I & II Feeling defeated- does it get easier

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  • #21949
    Happy_girl
    Participant

    I’m sorry to post on here again. Even though it’s a stage 1b, I don’t know how to not be scared. I’m trying to love confidently and believe I will be ok- but I am having a hard time. I’m sorry to be the sad sappy girl today- but I needed to share my feelings. I’m praying time helps heal. Thank you for dealing with an emotional mess like me! My husband has been great, but doesn’t like to talk about it- and just tells me I’m ok. I’m working to be positive like him. I’m just scared as I know you all have been. Praying for many more birthdays with my baby girl! Thank you for letting me share my heart. Does it get easier????

    #64257
    goldengirl2011
    Participant

    yes, it does get easier! It’s been 3 years since my diagnosis of stage 1A. In the beginning I was very scared, but over time I’ve realized just how lucky I am to only be stage 1A.

    Hang in there. Enjoy each and every moment.

    Remember this….

    The past is history

    The future is a mystery

    Today is a gift, which is why it’s called the Present!

    Good luck & stay in touch.

    #64258
    Happy_girl
    Participant

    I know I should consider myself blessed to be stage 1b…. I’m just afraid from all of the stories I’ve read that say “I was stage 1 and then 6 months later I was stage 4.” There is really no way of knowing if that’s going to be me or not. Holding my baby girl is the best and hardest thing emotionally.

    #64259
    cohanja
    Participant

    I don’t have any magical advice, but just know that you’re not alone in how you feel and you never have to apologize for it.

    #64260
    cohanja
    Participant

    Sometimes it just helps to talk about it, with people who “get it.” There should be general cancer support groups in your area. Check with the American Cancer Society in your area. There might be melanoma specific support groups as well. There are a few organizations that can link you up with someone else who has a similar cancer diagnosis. One organization that will connect you is Imerman Angels. http://www.imermanangels.org/

    #64261
    tbeau
    Participant

    Hi Happy Girl. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It does get easier, but it takes time. Catherine always suggests meditation and that helps. I think Yoga helps, talking to people who get it helps, posting on this forum helps and time helps. I was freaked out for about 8 months. No one thing helped to calm my nerves but there are days now that I do not think of melanoma. I think it took me 8 months to accept the diagnosis and accept each day as a gift. I hope this helps you some. Enjoy your new baby girl.

    #64262
    TreeFrog
    Participant

    Hi Happy Girl,

    Here’s something that should help. I know how you feel about “all those stories” we read about people who have progressed. It’s disconcerting reading.

    One thing to keep in mind, though, on this forum and in all similar forums, is that people who have progressed are VERY over-represented, simply because those are the people who continue to post and seek advice. People (much more numerous people) who have walked away and never had another problem … you don’t see many posts from them because they are off living their lives. And where Stage I and II are concerned, there are vastly more of these “invisible” people.

    We all have risk in our lives. I looked up my risk of recurrence in 10 years – it was something under 5% – and then I looked up my risk of dying from an accident in the rest of my life. That risk was greater than 5%. But I don’t go around worrying every day about going out or driving. So that, too, put things in perspective for me.

    Hope this helps!

    ~Wendy

    #64263
    Happy_girl
    Participant

    Thank you, Wendy! You have been so encouraging. Your information does help. Time to be confident!

    #64264
    wpatterson4
    Participant

    It gets better. Right now, though, you’re in the unfortunate position of having a recent diagnosis of melanoma. It’s a new situation, and you haven’t quite figured out what to make of it. Dealing with it takes time. Remember what everyone has told you; the vast majority of stage 1 melanomas do not metastasize. You also have the advantage of being female; women fare much better with melanoma than do men. Also, this might be the first time you’ve really had to consider your own mortality, which is a big unsettling, but you will most likely be fine.

    Also, don’t beat yourself up for worrying about this. You’re not the worst case out there. My former dermatologist told me (after I asked, of course) that I’m the most fearful melanoma case to cross the threshold of his clinic, but I haven’t had a nervous breakdown yet, so be patient with yourself.

    #64265
    Worrywart
    Participant

    Yes, it does get easier! Let go of the control and focus on the now, what is immediately in front of you. None of us knows how long we have..but one things is for certain – life is a terminal condition for everyone. God Bless you!

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