Home Forums For Caregivers Only Just want to feel normal again

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  • #22145
    ScaredV
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    I am looking for some support. I am 29 years old and my fiance (27) was recently diagnosed with Stage 1 Melanoma… however, We are still currently in the staging process as a SNB wasnt done at the time of the WLE, so he will be having that done soon (whenever the oncologist is able to get him in.. We live in Canada and I am finding it takes an incredibly long time to get any appointments). The doctor says there is a 15-20% chance it has spread to his lymph nodes…

    I know everyone says waiting is the hardest part… And until we get the testing done, all we can do is wait and worry. I am finding the whole thing extremely hard to deal with. I have never been an anxious person before and now I find myself getting waves of anxiety at different times. I also cry.. A lot… But I try to out on a brave face for the most part in front of my fiance. I am so scared and I feel angry sometimes that this has happened to us.

    I have been trying to stay busy, spend time with friends and family and I took up hot yoga as a way to try and relax and get some excersize. I’ve talked to some support cousellors over the phone as well when I am feeling down which I find helps.

    Before he was diagnosed with Melanoma, we were in the middle of planning our wedding for next summer… Now whenever I try and do wedding stuff, I find myself really upset and in tears afterwards because I just find myself thinking ‘what if’ and worrying about the future… Will we get to grow old together? Will we be able to have children?

    I just want my normal life back… With normal worries… Or at least I want to learn to cope so I can feel less anxious, sad and scared all the time.

    Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Is this all normal? Will I ever feel better?

    Thank you all for your support.

    #65233
    Catherine Poole
    Keymaster

    You absolutely will feel better once you know the results of the SLNB. And that is a slim chance there will be cells found, but even if they are found, it doesn’t mean there will be a recurrence. He could have a future much like many of our patients that never deal with it again. But I think what gets us all down is the lack of control with medical issues. We can’t make things turn out the way we’d like them to, and simply have to go with the flow of things. So mindful meditation is the most helpful tool in these instances (along with perhaps antianxiety meds and counseling) and you can find many of the CDs/books by Jon Kabat-Zinn who really pioneered this as a way to ease the pain and anxiety of dealing with a serious illness.

    Hang in there, you aren’t alone, and breathe deep and do things that you both enjoy, massage is great, and long baths. Soon things will hopefully get better, but take it a moment at a time, don’t look back or leap forward in time.

    #65234
    ScaredV
    Participant

    Hi Catherine,

    Thanks for your post and support. I strongly believe we will feel better after we get the testing and results done as well… It is just such a long wait! We are still on the waiting list with the specialist, hopefully we will be able to get that done soon!

    I will check out the books you mentioned for sure. I’ve been doing hot yoga with my mom and sister a few times a week for a few weeks now and find it has helped tremendously. I do sometimes still get anxious, but use my breathing to calm myself down. We’ve have even been doing some wedding planning and I even was able to try on wedding dresses yesterday for the first time! I’m really trying to stay positive and live in the moment and try not to worry until someone tells me there is a reason to worry (which I pray will never be the case).

    I met a lady the other day who told me she had melanoma 30 years ago and she is 60 now and she has never had to deal with it again and she really helped me put things into perspective. I hope I can continue onwards down this path, but I know its a rollercoaster.

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