Why Me?

This forum was created for those with an incredibly hard task: taking care of someone they love who is ill.
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Catherine Poole
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Why Me?

Post by Catherine Poole » Tue May 23, 2017 12:15 pm

Have you gone through the why me scenario? Why my partner? He always took good care of himself where is the hindsight logic to this when I see people with terrible health habits walking around. A waste of time I know, but sometimes I just get low thinking about others living "normal" lives without this cloud hanging over them.
Catherine M. Poole, President/Founder
Melanoma International Foundation

marta010
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Re: Why Me?

Post by marta010 » Thu May 25, 2017 3:30 pm

Seems so arbitrary when good people are suffering with such serious health conditions. Makes you wonder what sort of plan is in store for all of us. It's really hard and disheartening at times. Wish I had a better response for you - you are not alone in your thoughts. Keeping you in my prayers. Take care.

Ann

Catherine Poole
Posts: 11265
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:09 am

Re: Why Me?

Post by Catherine Poole » Thu May 25, 2017 5:48 pm

Thanks Ann. I was talking to the hospice chaplain and I said I really had lost faith in a greater being and she said she understood. I believe in nature and how tragedy can strike anyone, anything anytime. No rhyme or reason. Just happy I can vent.
Catherine M. Poole, President/Founder
Melanoma International Foundation

marti
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Re: Why Me?

Post by marti » Sat Jun 24, 2017 1:44 pm

Often think of you and your husband's condition. Admire your attitude even more, how can you look after all your grateful forummembers, whilst your husband is - and ofcourse yourself- in such a dreadful situation.

Often people say, that memories are valuable, and cannot be stolen, but yes there are conditions where even fond memories get lost.

My heart goes out to you and taken such excellent care in such difficult circumstances. I read you spoke to the hospice chaplain, which means your husband is in a hospice- which is very often a blessing surrounding, but ofcourse difficult.

Wishing you and your husband all the best

Marti

Catherine Poole
Posts: 11265
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:09 am

Re: Why Me?

Post by Catherine Poole » Sun Jun 25, 2017 7:18 am

Thanks Marti. I truly have a passion for helping people with melanoma so it is a delight to come here and help. Dementia on the other hand is a terrible disease affecting both the mind and body and no treatment. We've been kicked around the systems here and now returning to the private nursing home. The VA was a bad place afterall. But I feel the experience has made me stronger and more resilient and given me more closeness to the folks here in understanding the caregiver burnout and depletion and the patient perspective. It is truly giving without any expectation of getting back. I asked him is he knew who I was the other day when he seemed so far away and he said "Catherine, my love." So I am still getting back..
Catherine M. Poole, President/Founder
Melanoma International Foundation

marti
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Re: Why Me?

Post by marti » Sun Jun 25, 2017 3:26 pm

Your last sentence brought a smile on my face as I am sure it must have warmed your hart.Very pleased you are even called my love. I understand the impact of a disease that takes away body and mind. Hope there Will be many more of these moments.

Youre husband is unfortunately ill with this dreadful disease thats taken its toll on you both, but
hè is lucky to have you fighting for his best interest. Its hard to realise there is no treatment but also hard having a need to fight for his Well being.

And yes I did read your post About taking time for personal Medical and dental care for the caretakers- but maybe also time to have a haircut, a massage , a relaxing cup of tea with a friend,or anything wat brings you relaxation.

Best regards Marti

Catherine Poole
Posts: 11265
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:09 am

Re: Why Me?

Post by Catherine Poole » Thu Jun 29, 2017 2:52 pm

Yes dentist and colonoscopy are on my list but both are so unpleasant I can put off! Had to move him to a new location so it has been stressful. He has gone from a very fit guy to immobilized to a wheelchair. Tough to watch this disease progress.
Catherine M. Poole, President/Founder
Melanoma International Foundation

jeffb
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Re: Why Me?

Post by jeffb » Fri Jun 30, 2017 2:18 pm

Catherine:

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is indeed a heavy emotional load to carry. But you're a great caregiver!

Your delaying the dentist and colonoscopy reminds me of when my wife was sick, I had my GP and another doctor on my case to have a colonoscopy and a brain MRI as well. Both were overdue by a good year. As I've had small polyps of the "wrong kind" each time I've the pleasure of one every three years. The brain MRI was a follow up to a procedure to remove a tumor at the base of my skull a few years earlier.

I kept putting them off because I was truly scared that something might be found in me. As we used to say at work, when you look, you find and it may not be what you were looking for...and you may not like what you find. I just did not want to face such a possibility, not when my wife and I were deep into her struggle with melanoma.

It really started to weigh on me though so I mustered all of my courage and faith and went ahead with both in the same week.

Talk about scan-xiety! But everything was fine....except I got to go back for another "pleasure" three years later.

It's just hard to take care of ourselves sometimes when we see our loved ones declining. It can be soooo consuming. However, it really is ok to put our oxygen masks on first. Funny as study after study has shown that the best results are always obtained when the caregivers take care of themselves, if not first then concurrently, with the care offered to their loved ones but it's so hard for us to let that sink in isn't it?

You really are a great caregiver Catherine.

Jeff

Catherine Poole
Posts: 11265
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:09 am

Re: Why Me?

Post by Catherine Poole » Sat Jul 01, 2017 6:29 am

Thanks Jeff. My virtual support is very important because friends and family disappeared on us for the most part. I can't find anything like us here for this disease but a friendly caregiver group. So I vent there a bit. My MIF family is my first go to! Yes, they found the polyps on me too and I am due back. But sometimes I think it is a gastro racket because the healthiest people I know have to keep going back. I hate losing a day and the anesthesia is awful. But as soon as I find someone to bring me home I'll do it. The dentist next week! Seems like everyday is different with his disease and no treatment. But thanks for being there!
Catherine M. Poole, President/Founder
Melanoma International Foundation

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